As Fate Said It Would
by lisaaaharri94
Summary: Hi guys! SO. This story is actually not about The Fosters itself, but about the two great actresses who play Stef and Lena, Teri Polo and Sherri Saum. You probably know that there are a BUNCH of Sherri Polo shippers, so this is what that is about. Chapters 1-6 are up in a block becuase I had it written on Wattpad. And I'm doing chapter 7 now, so enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

_BRRINGGG! BRRINGGG! _

The loud ring of the phone woke me up out of a deep sleep. I really needed that nights rest. I had been so stressed lately; I haven't been able to sleep well. I guess I had better answer.

"Hello?" I asked, trying not to sound like I had just woken up.

"Hey, Sherri, it's Scott Genkinger! You got a minute?" I paused before I answered him, and realized what phone call this was. The phone call that I had been waiting for, for about a week. It's Scott Genkinger, the casting director for a new television show I had auditioned for. Something about this role seemed like the perfect fit for me. I knew it was something I wanted to go for the minute I got my hands on the script.

"Yes, yes! I hope you're calling with some good news!" I said, trying to hide the groggy sound in my voice.

"I do! We've made a decision about the role, and if you were still up for it, we'd love to have you play the role of Lena Adams on the show! What do you think?"

_Yes! I got the role!_

"I would love to do it! Yes definitely! Thank you so much, Scott, I can't wait to get to work on this. I have a great feeling about it!" I tried not to sound too excited, but just excited enough that he could tell how enthusiastic I was about it.

"Okay, great! Well you will get a call from someone soon, probably later in the week, about when we want to bring you all in and get this thing started, okay?"

"Yes, that sounds great!"

"Alright well then I will talk to you soon!"

"Yeah okay, and thank you again I am so excited!" I hung up the phone and tried not to scream. I grabbed my pillow and let it all out so I wouldn't wake my husband, Kamar. I had been thinking about this role ever since I laid eyes on the script. Something about playing a lesbian on a TV show intrigued me. It didn't scare me. It felt… _right. _

I decided to make a huge breakfast for Kamar and I, so I got up out of bed after the phone call and started cooking. I wanted it to be ready before he woke up.

I just cannot get over how happy getting this role makes me. I had gotten many parts before; been in movies and on TV, but I have never been _this_ happy about getting a part before. I can't put my finger on why.

Kamar comes out of the bedroom and comes down the stairs and into the kitchen. He's wearing his striped pajama pants I got him for Christmas and the grungy white shirt I told him to get rid of months ago.

"Good morning, beautiful," he said with a smile on his face, "Is that breakfast I smell?"

"Good morning and yes it is! I wanted to cook a huge breakfast for us!" He looked surprised, probably because my idea of a big breakfast is usually coffee and a toaster strudel.

"Are we celebrating something?"

"Yes, in fact we are! I got a call this morning from Scott Genkinger! I got the part!" I couldn't contain my excitement! I practically squealed the news to him!

"Oh, baby, that's great! I'm very happy for you," he said as he grabbed my waist, pulled me in, and kissed me. I love him. And I used to get such a rise out of kissing him, but not so much anymore. I can't quite put my finger on it. "So what are we making here?"

"Oh just some eggs, bacon, pancakes, and biscuits!"

"Wow you really went all out, babe," he said, eyeing the food.

"Nothing but the best for my love."

After breakfast we cleaned up and I went and got ready for my day. I had to go and tell everyone the good news. Well, everyone being my sister. I'm extremely close with my sister, Lisa.

I got out of the shower and wrapped my towel around me. And then I just stared in the mirror. I looked at my fair skin and huge head of curly hair, and just thought. Thought about why I've been feeling so empty lately, and about who I am. I should have it figured it out by now, at 38 years old, right?

Just then, Kamar comes in and interrupts my thoughts.

"Hey, I want you to know just how proud I am of you for getting the role," he says as he comes closer to me and puts his hand on my face. I can tell he's definitely in the mood but I'm not.

He puts his hands around my waist and pulls me close and starts to kiss me on my lips, and then neck. I pull away. "No, sweetie, I just took a shower."

"Well," still kissing me, "you can take another shower; with me," he tries to motion us towards the shower but I pull away again.

"I'm serious, I'm having lunch with Lisa at 1 and I don't want to be late." I can tell he's disappointed, but lately my sex drive with him hasn't been in full swing.

I stand in the mirror and he stands behind me and looks at me, then walks out of the bathroom and shuts the door behind him a bit hard. I can't blame him. I haven't wanted to have sex for about a month now. I mean, we have had sex, but it wasn't passionate like it should be. I'm sure it's just normal.

I drive to the restaurant I'm meeting my sister at to tell her the big news. It's our favorite restaurant that we always go to for our lunches. My sister and I are very close. She's my best friend and we tell each other everything.

I get to the restaurant and see her already sitting at a table. I'm a little late because of that little bathroom fit with Kamar. I go and sit down at the table. "Hey, Lis!"

"Always late, you are always late!" she said, laughing.

"I am not always late! Kamar wanted a quick fix and I had to get him to get out of the bathroom so I could get ready," I say as the waitress hands me the menu.

"Oh, well you could have just texted and said to meet at 1:30 instead! Don't mean to get in between you and your man," she laughs.

"Oh no, no, you weren't interrupting anything. I just…I just haven't really been in the mood lately, you know?" I was hoping she'd tell me that losing sex drive is normal, something reassuring.

"Really? You of all people? Huh, that's weird," she said, half jokingly.

"No I'm serious, Lis. It's just been lately, for maybe the past month or so. I haven't wanted to sleep with him."

"Eh, it'll come back. Happens all the time. Next month you'll be all over him again!"

"I hope so…" I said under my breath.

"So, what's this news you wanted to tell me?"

"After we order," I hadn't told her I had an audition at all, just in case I didn't get the part. We ordered our food, she got a chicken club sandwich and I got a ceasar salad.

"Okay, so what's the news?" she asked, taking a big bite out of her sandwich.

"Well, a couple of weeks ago I read script for some producers and casting directors for a new show," I began.

"Oh Sher, that's great! And? Did you get casted?"

"Yep! I got the call this morning! And, Lisa, I feel really great about this role, I really do! I think it's a keeper. And the whole concept of the show, I think this show is going to be a big hit. I feel it!" I could feel myself getting very excited about it again. I tried to calm down.

"Wow, Sherri I am so happy for you. Okay so what's the role? What's the TV show? What's it about? Fill me in!"

"It's going to be an ABC Family original show called _The Fosters_ and I got the role of Lena Adams," and after that, I started to hesitate.

"Okay, and what's the show about?" I don't know why I was nervous to tell my sister I was going to be playing a lesbian. She's as liberal as I am, she doesn't care about who loves who. But I was still hesitant.

"Well… It is about two lesbian moms who raise three kids. One is biological to one of the mothers from a previous marriage, and the other two were later adopted by them both. And then later, they take in two more foster kids. I have a great feeling about it! The script felt very real, not sugar coated at all. I think it's a winner," I said, starting to go off on a tangent.

"So, wait…are you playing one of the moms? One of the lesbian moms?" She just kind of gave me an off look.

"Uh, yes. Yes I am. I am playing a lesbian," my voice faded as I said it. I had never really said it aloud before. _I am playing a lesbian. _For some reason, that felt weird to say, but not uncomfortable.

"Oh! Well that's great. I really like that. Actually, I love that you're going to play that part. I really love that. I'm proud of you. And you know what this show sounds great; sounds like something that should have been on the air ages ago!" I was so happy she didn't find it weird. I love my sister. But for some reason I wanted to quickly change the subject.

"Uh huh and guess who executive produces it? Jennifer. Lopez. Yup."

"J-Lo, really? Well I know you'll be taking me on set very often, then!" We laughed and just talked about how amazing we thought J-Lo was while finished our lunches.

After lunch my sister and I did some shopping into the night. When I went home Kamar was lying in bed watching the game. I stood in the doorway and just stared at him for a few seconds. I loved him so much. He was my perfect man. I went into our room and turned off the TV and started kissing him. That night was the first night in a long time that I felt the passion. Maybe I was okay.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

A week had gone by since I had gotten the amazing news. I was so eager to find out when we would start the whole filming process. I still haven't been getting much sleep; I assume it's because of how excited I am.

_BRRINGGG! BRRINGGG!_

I looked at my phone and saw that Scott Genkinger was calling. A shiver went down my spine. I had been waiting for this phone call for what seemed like an eternity. I eagerly answered, "Hello!" I realized I sounded maybe a bit too excited.

"Hey, Sherri, it's Scott again! How are you?"

"I'm fine, just fine! How are you?"

"I am great! I wanted to let you know that we have everything all set up for the first table read and film dates! We want you and the rest of the cast to come in for the first table read on Monday, and just get to know each other and familiarize yourselves with each other, and stuff like that," he sounded very enthusiastic.

"That's great! I'm so excited for this! What time, and where?"

"Stay by your email. I'll send you the studio gate number and time and all that jazz. Sound good?"

"Sounds great! Oh, one more question, Scott, who will be playing my…counter part? In the show, I mean. My…my partner? My,"

"Teri Polo!" he said, cutting me off. I was starting to ramble. "Teri Polo will be playing Stef Foster. Have you met her before?

"No, nope. This will be the first time meeting her!"

"Ah, well you'll love her! Listen, I've gotta go. I have to call some more of your cast mates, but I will send you that email."

"Okay, great! Thanks, Scott. Talk to you later, bye!" I hung up the phone. Teri Polo. That name definitely rings a bell. I Google her name to see what she looks like. Her picture comes up and I immediately recognize her. She's from in all of the "Meet the Fockers" movies! I love her! I'm almost intimidated.

_She's a lot more known than I am,_ I say to myself. I scroll through some more of her pictures and can't help but notice just how gorgeous she is. She's six years older than I am. That's even more intimidating. I come across her playboy pictures and suddenly I feel my face get very red.

_Why am I blushing?_

Just then Kamar comes in and I blush even harder. I click out of the web page.

"Hey babe, what are you looking at?" He asks.

"Oh, just going on IMDB to see what the actress Teri Polo has been in. She's going to play my partner on the show!"

"Oh yeah? She's the one in all the Focker movies, right? Yeah she's cute. Not as cute as you, though! You'll show her up!" He laughs.

"Well it's not a competition, babe," I can feel myself starting to blush again.

"I know, I know. You're still hotter," he says as he leans in for a kiss. I kiss him back and then stand up and motion towards the bathroom. I need to splash some cold water on my face.

Monday comes and it's 6 AM. I don't have to be at the studio until 9 but I just cannot sleep. I feel so nervous. I usually do when I'm about to go to a new set and meet my new cast mates. But this is a new level of nervous. Like a dentist appointment kind of nervous, except I feel like I could possibly throw up. I try to make a cup of coffee but I can't even drink it.

I drive to the studio and find the right building and go in. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. I left before Kamar woke up so he didn't have to see me this nervous. My hands were sweating. I tried to wipe them on my pants but they just got sweaty again. I see the room number on the door and pause. This was it. I opened the door and immediately recognized Scott and Debbie the casting directors, and the writers and a few of the producers that were there during my script read. Everyone looks at me.

"Sherri! Hey! Great you're here! Come in, come in!" Scott greeted me and pulled me into the room. "Everyone this is Sherri Saum. She will be playing Lena Adams! Have a seat, Sherri we were just getting started." I sat down next to Scott and a young girl.

"Hi, I'm Maia Mitchell, nice to meet you!" She was adorable and I'm pretty sure Australian!

"Hello, I'm Sherri, and I love your accent! Where are you from?"

"I'm Australian!"

"I have always wanted to visit there! And are you one of my 'daughters'?"

"Ah, no, I am the foster kid you guys take in in the pilot."

"Okay and who are the rest of ya?" I was eager to learn names and get to know everyone. One by one they all introduced themselves. The kids all seemed very sweet. But I noticed Teri wasn't there yet.

"And where's Teri?"

"She is on her way up! Just got off of the phone with her," answered one of the producers. I had gotten myself to calm down, but now I was getting nervous again. I felt like I was on a blind date, waiting to meet the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. But it was just a show, right? It's just acting.

"Hello everyone. Sorry I am SO late. I was trying to squeeze my butt into these jeans, and as you tell by the size of my ass, it was quite the struggle!" Everyone laughs at Teri Polo's entrance. I turn around and look at her for the first time.

_Holy hell, _I thought to myself. She makes her way around the table, introduces herself, and shakes hands. She gets to me last, where there's an empty seat.

"Hi, I'm Teri, and you must be my lover, Sherri!" She puts her hand out to shake mine, and I just stare at her. And the weird part is, she stared back. Then I realized I should shake her hand. I grab her hand and remember how sweaty mine were. I quickly let go.

"Hi! Yes I am your lover, aren't I?" I tried to laugh along with everyone but I was still awestruck by Teri. She was…_beautiful._

The director had us do improv scenes on the set with each other so that we could get to know each other and have good chemistry. I worked with the kids first. They were great. Then I worked one on one with Teri.

"Okay, now remember. You two are partners. You love each other. You have kids. You are mothers! So act like it! Sherri, remember you're a vice principal at a school, and Teri you are a cop. Action!" exclaimed Timothy our director. So we start.

"So, sweetheart, how was your day?" Teri starts, while making a sandwich.

"It was a looooong day. Got SEVEN phone calls from parents complaining that their kids aren't 'doing as well as they should', as if that's my problem. But of course, I can't say that, can I?" I chuckle. I think this is going well.

"Maybe they should be yelling at their kids instead of you, huh?" she laughs and walks over to me, kisses me on the forehead, and continues on over to the refrigerator. Should I be more affectionate too? "I'll compete with your day. Couple of guys driving the wrong way down a one way street. Drunk," she said.

"It's a shame people still drink and drive, even with enough proof in this world that it's dangerous," I get up and make coffee next to Teri making her sandwich.

"Yes, my love, but some people just aren't that smart. Did you pick up Jesus's medicine from the pharmacy?"

"Yup!" I decided to turn this conversation around and spice it up, "That's not all I managed to pick up. I stopped by the mall after work and went into Victoria Secret…" Teri looked shocked but intrigued at the same time. I could tell she liked where I took this.

"Oh and, what did we get?" she walks towards me.

"I don't know…something!" I teased.

"Well, I want to see that 'something' later," I turn and face her and she grabs my waist, pulls me in, and kisses me on the lips. I kiss back.

"Okay! Cut! That was perfect! I can feel the chemistry between you two! This is great!" Yelled out Timothy. Teri and I stood there for another second and just stared at each other. Then she smiles and says, "Well that was fun, huh? Miss Victoria Secret!" She winks, then laughs, and walks away. I blushed. Why did I keep blushing? That kiss… I had never kissed another woman before. It wasn't how I expected it to be. I expected to feel weird afterwards. I did feel weird, but it was a good weird. I've had plenty of on-screen kisses before, but none of them felt… _real_.

After a few more hours of improving scenes and then the table read, we were finally finished. It went so well! Teri and I had great chemistry with our "kids", and they were starting to feel like a real family. And Teri Polo is a nut case. In a great way! She is a hilarious woman, and I can tell she's going to be fun to work with. She kept the mood light, always cracking jokes, but knew when to get serious. I loved it.

That night, I got a text from Teri:

"Hey Sherri! Fun working w/ U on set 2day! Cannot wait 2 work with u on this show! We should have lunch sometime! Yes?"

Lunch with Teri. Well if I was going to go on dates with her in the show, I might as well do it in real life. Well, not date, but…for some reason I was very excited. I had a huge smile on my face and I didn't know why. I couldn't wait to spend time with her. I immediately reply:

"SO much FUN! Yes let's have lunch! When are you free?"


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

_GOOD MORNING LAS ANGELES! IT'S PAULY DAVID ON THE HELLO! PAULY SHOW! BEFORE WE GET TO OUR FIRST GUEST HERE'S A SONG FOR ALL YOU-_

I quickly hit the snooze button on my radio alarm clock and lie in bed. Today was the day. Today was the day Teri and I were going to go out for lunch. Just us. Why was I so excited? Why was I so anxious? I couldn't figure it out. My feelings were just a jumbled up mess.

I got out of bed and got ready for the day. Once again I stood in the mirror, wrapped in my towel after my shower, staring at my reflection. Who was I? Who _was _I? As I stare into the mirror, Kamar comes in.

_Not again… _I think to myself.

"Good morning, beautiful! Sleep well?" he said, running his fingers through my damp hair.

"Not so much. I kept waking up, as usual," I could see he was definitely in the mood. What was it about mornings that made him so…ready? And shouldn't I like that? I should be in the mood at least sometimes, right? "Not now babe, I'm having lunch with Teri at 1, and I don't want to be late," he backed off.

"You've been so on edge ever since you got this part. Are you okay?" he asked, curiously.

"Yes!" I snapped. "I'm fine. I just, I have a lot on my mind about it. I can't explain it," I tried to soften my tone. I didn't mean to snap like that. My voice got very soft and quiet, "I'm sorry, sweet heart, I just…I'm nervous about the role, that's all. Forgive me?" I gave him a kiss on the cheek and my best puppy dog face in hopes he'd forgive me for being so cross.

"With that face, how could I not? I understand you're stressed," he gave me a peck on the lips and I gave him a little more to make up for not wanting to have sex; I guess I felt bad.

I put on my favorite pair of jeans that hugged me just right and tucked in a maroon colored camisole. I put on a brown belt, a cream-colored cardigan, and cream and maroon ombre scarf to pair with it. And I was wearing my favorite pair of white and cork wedges. I don't know why I cared so much about what to wear. It was just a casual lunch, right? Before I left I through my hair up in a cute bun and spritzed some of my favorite perfume.

I pulled up to the restaurant Teri and I were meeting at. I went in and asked if she was there already; she wasn't. I was relieved. At least I could have a few minutes to compose myself before she got there. I was extremely nervous. _Why?_

Teri walks in 3 minutes after I sat down. She looked…amazing. She had on a pair of jeans that hugged her perfectly and a peach colored halter top. Her hair was down and was doing this cute flippy thing in the front. She looked so cute…

"Hey! I hope you weren't waiting too long, I got stuck in traffic!" I stood and we kissed on the cheek, and sat down.

"No, no you're fine! I only got here about 3 minutes ago so you are fine!"

"Oh good, good," she said, settling into her seat. The waitress came over and took our drink orders. "So, the reason I wanted to have lunch is so I could just get to know ya! I always have some type of one on one get together with someone I'm supposed to be romantically involved with on set. It helps with the chemistry, you know?" _God she was perfect._

"Yes, I think that's a great way of doing it! I agree, I want to have as much chemistry on set as possible! I think we were great the other day!"

"Oh, yeah, definitely! I loved how you put in the Victoria Secret thing, I LOVED that!" _She was glowing. _

"So, I know you have kids, are you married?" _Did I really just ask that? I googled her for God's sake, why would I bring that up, I'm an idiot, I-_

"Nope, not anymore. I was seeing someone recently. Not anymore, though. Men, right?" she chuckled at her joke and took a sip of her piña colada.

"Yeah, I know the feeling. Men are…something else."

"You're married, right? I actually googled you as soon as I found out you'd be playing my Lena! Hope you don't find that weird!"

I started laughing, "No, no! I googled you too!" We both laughed. It definitely broke the ice…for me, anyway. "Gosh you are just hilarious!"

"I've been told I'm pretty nuts! Which I am. Especially on set! I love to get a laugh out of people, I just adore it!" I started laughing again. When I stopped, she just kind of stared at me. "Your laugh is adorable," she said, as she realized she was staring. "Oh my, I'm sorry! I just, I just blurted that out, didn't I?" I could feel my heart beating through my chest. My stomach felt like there were about a million butterflies in it.

"It's okay! I love your laugh too, it's…It's great!" There was a pause. And for a moment, it felt like it was just in that restaurant. It felt like we were by ourselves in our own little world. It was magic.

Just then we were pulled out of our trance by our waitress; there to take our food orders. I missed the moment as soon as it was gone.

I ordered a garden salad, dressing on the side, and Teri ordered a Honey Dijon chicken wrap. We gabbed on and on about everything and anything. There was nothing but laughter. We clicked so well. It was a perfect lunch.

"And that's why I don't go to THAT beach anymore! Oh my god, look at the time! We've been here for 2 hours!" Teri said, looking at her watch.

"Oh wow, I didn't even realize! We can get the check if you have somewhere to be," I said in a hurry, trying not to sound disappointed that our lunch was over.

"Well, actually, I'm free all day. I was gonna go home and read. My kids are with my ex, Jamie, tonight, so I'm free. Are you busy?"

"No! I had nothing planned. I probably would have gone home and read too! Did you have something in mind?" I tried not to sound too excited. Did this mean she was having as much fun as I was?

"Well maybe we could drive out to the beach or something! I hear there's some festival going on in Santa Monica. Wanna check it out?" _Was this really happening? _

"Yes I'd love that!" I was so excited I didn't even try to hide it anymore.

"Okay, great! Let's get the check and then head out! I'll drive. I can follow you to your house so you can drop off your car and then you'll get in mine and we'll go!"

"Sounds like a plan!" We headed out. I dropped my car off at home and got into Teri's black Prius. It was about a 45-minute drive to Santa Monica because of traffic. We jammed to some music the entire time. I couldn't help but look at Teri while she was driving; the wind in her hair and the sun beaming off of her already glowing face was perfect. _Why was I having these thoughts? _I didn't understand.

We found a place to park and got out. Teri was right, there was some festival here. It was huge. Colorful tents pitched everywhere, every kind of street performer you could imagine, food and great music, shops, and the beach.

"Wow this is great! Oh hey do you want to go on some rides on the pier?" Teri asked, her eyes glowing with anticipation.

"Yeah let's do it! Which ride shall we ride first?" We rode almost every ride they had. We got on roller coasters; we got on the carousel; we got on spinning rides; we got on fast rides. We played some games and I tried to win a teddy bear, but I couldn't get the dart in the center of the dart board and I couldn't get the ping pong ball in the fish bowl; I couldn't get the baseball to knock over the bottles and I couldn't get the clown to reach the top of the hill first. I am the worst at those carnival games. But Teri stepped in and she got the dart in the center, the ball in the bowl, knocked over the bottles, and got the clown to the top. She won me the huge teddy bear AND a pet gold fish. It was the most fun I had had in a long time.

"I still can't believe you nearly took that guys eye out with that baseball!" Teri teased while laughing.

"I warned you! I'm bad!"

"Well it's okay, it was cute! We have enough tickets for one more ride, what do you wanna do?"

"Uh, you choose! I chose the last one!"

"Okay… We haven't done the Ferris wheel! And it's so pretty to be on at night; you can see all the lights from the pier and down the shore of the entire beach! Up for it?" She asked. It sounded perfect. All I could do was smile. "I'll take that as a yes," she smiled, grabbed my hand, and dragged me towards it.

We climbed into the seat on the Ferris wheel and got strapped in. It started, and as if it were a movie, we stopped right at the top. All day I had been asking myself what this feeling was in the pit of my stomach. And sitting up at the top of that Ferris wheel was so peaceful and calming. And suddenly it was as if Teri and I were in our own little world again.

"It's beautiful up here," I said, grasping tightly to my teddy bear.

"It sure is," she replied. What was this feeling I had? I just didn't know. And suddenly, I did know. I had a crush on her. I think I knew this whole time, but I didn't want to admit. How could I? She's a woman. I'm a woman. I'm 38 I have a loving and wonderful husband. I can't have a crush on someone else, let alone _a woman!_

"Are you okay?" Teri asked. I realize I had been staring at her this entire time.

"Yes, yeah, I'm fine. I just…I think maybe I ate too much cotton candy and funnel cake. I think I might be sick," I did feel sick, but not in a too-much-junk-food kind of way, but in a holy-shit-I-think-I-just-made-a-revelation-and-I'm -freaking-out kind of way. I needed to go home.

"Awh, okay. Well I'll take you home as soon as he lets us down from here!" I almost didn't want the night to end, but it was for the best. I start to feel her rub my back, and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. _Why did I feel this way?_

We got let down from the Ferris wheel and got in her car. The entire ride home I couldn't bare to say anything. I just stared out of the window and thought about everything. We finally pulled up to my house.

"Well I want to thank you for a very fun day and night, Sherri! That was the most fun I had in a long time!" She looked at me.

"Me too! I can't wait to work with you even more now! Let's do this all the time, okay?" I tried to sound collected, but I wasn't.

"Yes, definitely. And you feel better okay?"

"I'll try! Goodnight!" Then she leaned in, and at that moment my heart led what I did next. I know she was going for the goodbye peck on the cheek; what friends do, but I turned my head and she landed right on my lips. I pulled away quickly and knew I looked like a deer caught in the headlights. I just sat there and yelled "Oh my god! I am so sorry! I was going for your cheek but I turned my head the same way you did and I kind of missed and-"

"It's okay! Sherri, it's fine! Relax, geez!" She laughed. "No biggie, we have to do it on set anyway! That stomachache must be going to your head! Go get some rest! I'll see you on set on Monday, okay? Text me tomorrow, so I know you feel better!" I couldn't answer her. I just nodded and gave a half smile and got out of the car as fast I could.

That night, as I lay in bed thinking about the entire day; the lunch, the festival, my revelation, and the kiss; I couldn't help but want to cry. There next to me was the most perfect man I could ask for, and here I was, falling in love with another woman. And I had no idea what I was going to do.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

It was the morning after my day with Teri. I lied in bed just staring at the ceiling. Kamar had gone out for a run, leaving the bed to myself. I didn't get any sleep last night. All I could think about was how I kissed Teri. I _kissed _her. _On the lips. _How could I have done that? How could I have let that happen? I'm such an idiot. Is that cheating on my husband? No, no, it was accident…right? Was it an accident? Of course it was. And it's not like I felt anything when I did it; other than embarrassment. I didn't feel anything. _Did I? Yes. I know I did._

As I lay in bed, I remember that tomorrow is Monday. And we'll be shooting the pilot episode. I was dreading it. How could I face her? How could I act like I'm in love with her and be her partner if I feel so afraid to be around her? Too many questions for one morning. My mind couldn't take it. I needed some coffee. Kamar got back from his run and jumped in the shower. He wanted me to join him but I, of course, wasn't in the mood. I had too much on my mind.

_Bzzzz Bzzzz, Bzzzz Bzzzz_

My phone vibrated; I picked it up to see who had sent me a text message. It was Teri:

"Hey, Sherri! Had so much fun yesterday! Can't wait to film tmrw! Shld be fun! :)"

She clearly isn't upset about the kiss. I replied:

"Hey! I had a blast! So excited for tomorrow! See you then!" I lied. I was so not excited for tomorrow. I was dreading every part of it. I didn't know how I could face her.

This haunted me until night. I lied in bed next to my husband whom I love so much. I just stare at him sleeping, the light from the moon coming in the window somehow hitting his face perfectly. I do love him. I do.

It was Monday morning. I woke up 3 minutes before my radio alarm clock went off. I got up and started to get ready. I showered, and again found myself staring in the mirror wrapped in my towel, wondering who I am. I pulled on a pair of tights and a light sweater, put my hair into a bun, slipped on a pair of flats, grabbed my purse and car keys and headed out. I arrived to the studio and parked. I sat in my car for a few minutes just staring at nothing. _Just breathe, Sherri. Breathe. _I took a few deep breaths and got out of the car. As I shut my door, Teri pulls up right next to me. She sees me and waves excitedly, and then gets out of her car.

"Hey! How are you this morning, pretty young thing?" She asks.

"I'm good, I'm good. I'll be better once I get my coffee! But I'm good, I'm excited!" I lie, trying to hide how uncomfortable I was. She called me "pretty young thing". She was so flirty.

"I feel ya! I need a cup of coffee, especially this early in the morning. First film day and they call for 6 AM! Crazy, right?" She starts towards the door and I follow.

"Yeah, I guess they've got a lot of hair and make up to do, especially on this face!" I joke.

"Your face? Your face looks perfect the way it is! Now my face, that's a different story! They're gonna need a whole team of specialists to fix this up," we both laugh.

"No way your face is beautiful with or without make up." I pause, and realize what I had just said. _Why did I say that? _Teri quickly replied, "Awh well thank you. Yours is beautiful too!" She could probably see the horror on my face. She opens the door and says, "After you!" And we both go in.

We get into the building and we're immediately sent off to hair, make up, and costuming. After that process we all gather on set. Our director, Timothy, was there along with the rest of the crew.

"Hello everyone, and good morning!" Timothy greeted us. We all replied simultaneously with "good mornings" and "hellos". "Congratulations, we've made it day one of filming!" We all give applause for ourselves. "I am really excited to be here, and I hope you all are too. We'll probably be here all day, but that's what's expected, right?" He joked around and introduced the cast to the crew. He then told us the game plan for the day and we got started.

We started with the scene that everyone is in. Teri's character, Stef, comes home from work and greets my character, Lena, and the kids, with new addition, Callie, played by Maia Mitchell.

"Okay, action!" Timothy yells. So we start. Teri walks on set. "Hey, honey!" I say.

"Hi! It smells great, lasagna! Delicious, thank you," she says. She walks over to me, gives me a kiss on the lips, and continues over to the counter in the kitchen. There it was. I felt it again. I felt what I felt two nights ago when we were in her car; the spark in my heart and the butterflies in my stomach… Suddenly I hear my name being called about a dozen times.

"Sherri! Sherri!" everyone barked. I had zoned out.

"CUT!" Timothy yelled. "Sherri, are you alright?" he asked.

"Uh, yes, I'm sorry! Blanked on my line!"

"Need it called out?" he asked.

"No, no I've got it now! Sorry!" I felt my face getting red.

"Phew, glad she's the first one who messed up, and not me. Am I right?" Teri joked. It made me feel a little better and even more embarrassed at the same time.

"Ok. Let's take it from when Stef first walks in. Rolling…Action!" Timothy directed.

"Hey, honey." I say.

"Hi! It smells great, lasagna! Delicious, thank you," she said again. She walks over to me, and this time when she kisses me, she pulls me into her a little more, and I let her.

"How are you, honey?" I ask.

"Good, how are you? Hi, babies!" Teri says. It was so cute how she called the kids "babies". It wasn't even in the script to do that. She was so cute.

"What, no one told you our mom was a cop?" Jake says as his character, Jesus, to Maia's character.

"See, this is why no boys want to come over," Cierra says as her character, Mariana to Stef.

"As it should be," Teri says.

"So, you're dykes?" Maia says. There was a silence amongst us, as directed. That line. That line, "so, you're dykes?" was so brutal. That question was so unsettling.

"Yeah we're a couple of lesbos!" Teri exclaims, as she grabs me by the waist, pulls me close, and then kisses me on the lips. It was the most unexpected thing to happen, and I did not see it coming at all, but I liked it. The cast and crew hysterically laughed at Teri's purposeful mess up, including me. It definitely broke the ice. I felt myself get red, but it quickly went away when I realized that Teri wasn't afraid to kiss me. She didn't have to do what she had just done, but she did. And she did it comfortably. I had a huge smile on my face.

We restarted the scene and went from there. Things were going great. My scenes without Teri went a lot smoother than my scenes with her. The day went on. We were only filming scenes that took place in the house they lived in that day. The last thing Timothy wanted to film was a Stef and Lena scene. We are in pajamas in our room, discussing things about the kids, and we just have to be cute with it. Timothy barely gave us direction for this scene, so it's all on us. We start.

We both start folding clothes as we go through our lines, so far so good. Teri puts the clothes away while we continue our lines and walks over to the side of the bed I'm sitting on. I wasn't sure what she was doing, so I just go with it. She walks up to me, grabs my head, and in the middle of her line she kisses me right on the lips. Then she ends her line with, "Now get off my side of the bed!" and she lightly pushes me to the other side. That wasn't in the script, but I loved it, and was in a daze from the kiss. I decided to play along and say the first thing that came to mind, "Okay mama tiger!" _"Mama tiger"? Really, Sherri? What the hell is that? _But no one stopped. They must have liked it. She lies down on the bed and I lay next to her, as directed. We continue our lines. I realize she starts to move her arm up and over my head, and she very quietly says, "Come here", so I nuzzle into her, and rest my head on her chest. Then she gives me a kiss on the forehead, as we continue lines. I close my eyes and take in the moment. Laying here with her felt so great. It felt…right. She smelled like honey and sugar. She was warm. I could hear her heartbeat and it matched with mine. Her arm wrapped around me made me feel safe.

Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted. "OK AND CUT! That's a wrap! Girls, that was GREAT! You guys have so much chemistry and it really shows," Timothy excitedly says, walking towards us on set. Teri and I were still in the position on the bed. I didn't want to let go.

"Well Sherri and I do seem to have a lot of chemistry don't we?" She looks down at me and gives me a bunch of small kisses on my head before taking her arm back and getting up.

"We sure do!" I exclaim. She shoots me a smile and then starts to talk to Timothy about the scene and all I can do is lay there. More kisses. More kisses she didn't have to give me. More butterflies in my stomach.

We wrapped up the day and were set free. I head out to my car and Teri is following behind. "You are really good at making stuff up on the spot, girl!" I say to Teri.

"Thank you, you too, Miss Mama Tiger!" She laughs. "I think I am really gonna love working with you everyday." She gives me a smile.

"I'm gonna love working with you too! You are so crazy! You are so hilarious; I just love you!" I realized what I said and I felt my face get warm. My eyes widened. "Well not _love you_! I mean I love working with you. I don't actually love you! I mean I could! I love you in a coworker kind of way, well not even that, more like in a friendly kind of way!" I started to spit out words; I hardly knew what I was saying anymore. As I'm ranting Teri just walks up to me and puts her hand over my mouth.

"Shhhh. Sherri, I think you should calm down. Are you calm?" I slowly nod my head up and down and just stare into her eyes. She takes her hand off of my mouth, but still stands extremely close to me. "Now, what's the problem here?"

"What problem?" I ask.

"With me. Your problem with me. Why do you get so nervous and anxious around me? I've noticed it. I'm not stupid." She asked. I didn't know what to say. How could I answer that question? I couldn't tell her the truth. I couldn't tell her I had feelings that I couldn't explain for her.

"I don't know…" I answer, bowing my head down. She reaches out and pulls my head back up with her finger.

"Well listen, we have to work together. And we need to be able to trust each other and work off of each other. So I need you to trust me. Do you trust me?"

She looked into my eyes, still having her finger resting against my chin. I just nodded. We stood there for a few more seconds. We just looked into each other's eyes. She had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. All of the sudden, I felt myself moving towards her. I could feel that she wasn't guiding me this time; I was guiding myself. With her finger still holding my head up, my face got closer to hers, just a bit. She didn't back away. Then as if she knew it was safe, she made the next move, and I felt her hand slowly grab my waist, and wrap around to my back. I put my right hand on her waist, and my left hand on her shoulder, and she pulled me in closer. There was a moment, when time stood still. Our lips were barely touching. Then I took a deep breath, and pressed my lips against hers. Her lips were soft and warm. She pulled my body closer to hers and her hand that was once under my chin had moved to my cheek. We slightly pulled away and looked at each other. She whispered, "Are you okay?" And I just nodded. She moved a piece of hair out of my face and placed her hand behind my head. We moved closer again and started kissing once more. It was a perfect moment. My heart was beating fast; my stomach was in knots. I didn't want to stop. I took my hands and put them both on her face, which gave her permission to more intensely kiss me. It felt as if we were one body. I fit perfectly into hers and she fit perfectly into mine. It was unreal. When the moment was over, very slowly we parted from each other. Her arms were wrapped around my waist, and my arms around her neck. We stood there with our foreheads pressed together.

"That was…nice." I said softly, breaking the silence.

"It was…is this why you had been so weird around me?" she asked. I nodded. We stood there for a few more minutes in silence. I never wanted to let go. But I felt my phone in my pocket buzz. I knew it was Kamar asking how my day had gone.

"I have to go, sadly," We both briefly laughed.

"Me too. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" She asked. I nodded. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow." We hugged for a few seconds; she kissed me on the forehead, and got in her car. I leaned against mine as I watched her drive off. I just stood there, looking up at the night sky. I smiled.

On the way home I thought about our kiss. I felt a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. I felt so happy. I pulled into my driveway and parked. I walked into the house through the garage and opened the door to the kitchen, and from there I saw Kamar sitting in the living room watching the game. And at that moment, all of the happiness I had felt was gone. I looked at the man I was supposed to love. The man I married. I quietly shut the door and went back into the garage. I just stood there, and started to cry. _What did I do? _I asked myself. I just betrayed the man that loved me. How could I have done that? I sat in the garage and cried for about twenty minutes, then wiped away the tears and walked in.

"Hey, honey, you're home! How was your day?" Kamar asked. He got up and kissed me on the forehead and waited for my reply.

I felt the guilt rushing in. I managed to mutter out a reply. "It was okay." And that's all I could say.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

It was the next morning. I was dressed and ready to head out to the second day of filming. I had no idea what to feel. Remembering last night was hard to do. I wanted to be happy about my kiss with Teri, but I couldn't because I cheated on my husband. I was so distraught. Why did I have feelings for Teri? I not only kissed someone else, _I kissed a girl._ I kissed another woman. _But I'm not gay…am I? _I couldn't have been. I had never thought about it. I loved Kamar with all my heart. And I had loved men in the past. I had never looked at a woman the same way I had looked at a man…until Teri came along.

I pull into my parking spot at the studio, and Teri pulls in immediately after. I look over at her through our windows and we make eye contact. She shoots me a small, warm smile. I just looked down. How was I going to face her? I obviously had feelings for her, but I couldn't keep feeling that way. We got out of our cars and just looked at each other.

"Hey, you," she says with her soft voice.

"Hi," I reply.

"How are you this morning?" She walks over to me. I just stand there, probably looking as pale as a ghost, and she reaches out and puts her hand on my arm. I flinch and move away. She frowns, "Are you okay? What's wrong?" I decided to end whatever we had started. It was safer that way.

"Look, Teri. I know last night we…kissed…and it was really nice, but," she cut me off.

"It's fine. I know. Last night, after our kiss and I went home, I thought about it. I shouldn't have done that. You have a husband. I don't want to jeopardize that, so I'm sorry." She looked at me. I wasn't expecting that.

"Yeah, thank you. I really appreciate it, and I'm sorry if I led you on," I stopped. We just looked at each other for a bit.

"Well that's that. We should probably get in there, yeah?" She rubs my arm for a second, and then walks away and goes into the building. I just stand there. I was supposed to make everything better, but I felt worse. I didn't expect her to give in so easily. I don't know what I expected. I stand in the parking lot for another minute and then head inside.

The day of filming goes as usual. Today we did location filming. Teri and I didn't have any scenes together today. Thank God. We have some free time to ourselves while the kids shoot scenes in the school. Teri and I are sitting on a bench on location. She's on one end; I'm on the other. I had been avoiding her all day. There's a slight breeze in the air. I look over at Teri; her hair is being blown into her face and she moves it out of the way with her hand. She looks beautiful. She catches my gaze and smiles and I quickly look away. I slightly look up and see her scoot next to me on the bench. We just sit there for a minute, and then she leans over, "So for how long are things going to be weird between us?" I don't respond. She tries again. "Well, I don't know about you, but things were a lot more fun when you were pretending not to like me, and I was pretending not to notice that you liked me." She nudges my shoulder with hers. I look at her, and she has a smirk on her face. I start to laugh and she joins. She was right. Things were better when we were just dancing around each other in circles.

"You're right. I just…I'm a little confused right now, that's all. All of _this_, it's just a lot to take in. We _kissed,_" I finally reply.

"Yeah, kissing; it's something you do with people you like." She said sarcastically.

"You joke, but it's confusing for me. I've never kissed a woman before…I'm not..." I quiet my voice to a whisper, "I'm not _gay._" I look at Teri and she just stares for a second and starts laughing. "What's so funny?" I ask, a little annoyed.

"Nothing, nothing! It's just, I'm not gay either!" Now she was REALLY confusing me.

"What? But you kissed me. We kissed!"

"Yeah, we did. _We_ kissed! Meaning you kissed too. And you said it yourself; you aren't gay." She explained.

"Yeah, but…I,"

"Listen," she cut me off, "you don't have to identify yourself as gay, just because you find yourself attracted to one person of the same sex! I like you, Sherri. And I've never felt this way about a woman before ever in my life. But I realized that I could have feelings for you, because of _you; _because of your personality. I realized that it didn't matter to me that you were a woman. I had feelings for you. I still do. And I could still love a man the same way. So I don't think I'm gay at all. I think you are just a person who happens to be the same sex, that I'm…" She paused.

"That you're what?" I asked, wanting her to finish her sentence.

"That I'm falling for." She finished. I looked at her and she looked at me. Just as I was about to reply, someone on the crew calls Teri's name. "That's my cue. We'll talk later, okay?" Without letting me answer she gets up and heads in the direction her name was called. I just sat there and thought about what she had said. _What she said made sense. _But how is it that she had all of that figured out, and I didn't? How was she so calm about it all? Maybe I worry too much. But what did this mean? If Teri was right, then that means my feelings for her were justified. Maybe I wasn't a lesbian. Maybe I just came across someone who I had fallen for who happened to be a woman. I felt a little better realizing this, because at least I didn't have to question who I was anymore. But it then brought on another problem. These feelings weren't something I could easily ignore. I definitely had strong feelings for Teri, but at home I had Kamar. And I loved him too.

The day went on. I filmed scenes and she filmed scenes. Teri and I both got finished early, and were allowed to leave at 5 instead of 10 or 11 at night. As we're headed to our cars, she stops me. "Hey!" She says.

"Hey. What' up?" I reply.

"Wanna get something to eat with me? I'm starving and the kids are with Jamie tonight. How about it?" I know I should have said no, but I couldn't resist.

"Sure," I said softly. We got in our cars and I followed her to her house. She got out of her car and I got out of mine. "I thought we were going to get something to eat." I said, puzzled as to why we were at her house and not a restaurant.

"Well, we are getting something to eat. But I thought it would be nice to just sit on the couch and maybe order a pizza, watch some TV..." She waited for me to reply. "Unless you'd rather,"

"You had me at pizza!" I cut her off. She smiled.

"Okay! Then come on in!" She motioned towards the door and we went inside. "So this is it. Not much to it. I don't really have anything fancy or flashy, but, it's home." She drops her purse and keys on a small table by the door. I walk further into her house. When you walk in there's a huge staircase leading up to the second floor. To the right of the door there's a sunroom, to the left there's another. Walking passed the staircase you come to the kitchen. It was a very large kitchen with an island in the middle. The living room was attached. In there, there was a long couch and a few nice chairs surrounding a coffee table. Mounted on the wall was a large flat screen television. "I'll show you the rest later. Right now I need some food! Make yourself at home!" I go and sit down on the couch. "You can turn the TV on. The remotes are all on the table there." She says from in the kitchen. After a minute she comes into the living room and joins me on the couch. "Okay so I'm gonna order a large pizza, what do you want on it?"

"Hm…peperoni! I definitely want peperoni!" I replied.

"Good choice, me too!" She gets up and walks around the kitchen ordering the pizza on the phone. I look around and start wonder what I'm doing there. I shouldn't be here knowing I still have feelings for her. I should be at home with Kamar. Teri comes back over and sits next to me on the couch. "Okay, they said 30 minutes or less! I hope it's less because I am starving!" She looks at me. "So do you want a tour of the house? I could show you-"

"I shouldn't be here." I cut her off.

"What?" she sounded confused.

"I shouldn't be here knowing how I feel about you, knowing how you feel about me." I start to go off on a rant.

"But Sherri we're just friends, we're"

"No!" I snap. "Maybe you can be 'just friends', but I can't be 'just friends' with you. I mean I want to. But it's going to take me a while to be able to. I still have feelings for you. And I shouldn't. I have Kamar, and I love him. Things may not have been the same between us lately…" My voice drifts. I continue, "But that doesn't mean he deserves this…" I finally stop. Teri just sits there. I hadn't realized that I started crying. I wipe the tears off of my face. We sit there in silence. I start thinking. I know what the right thing to do is. I need to get up and get out of there. I needed to go home to Kamar. But I didn't want to. I wanted to stay there. My head said to get up and go but my heart said the exact opposite. So do I listen to my head or my heart?

"I understand," Teri says, finally breaking the silence. "I don't want you to have to feel uncomfortable. And I'd like to just be friends, but I know the feelings will always be there." She pauses as if what she is going to say next is hard to do. "So maybe we should just be strictly co-workers. We'll see each other and talk on set, but other than that, there's nothing."

"Yeah, I think maybe that's for the best." It really hurt to say that. It hurt to hear those words come out of her mouth. "I think I should go now."

"Yeah, I think so too." She replies. We get up and she walks me to the door. I stand there in the doorway and just look at her. We stare at each other for a minute. "Well, I'll see you on Thursday, since you're not called for tomorrow, right?" I just nod. "Okay, well, I'll see you then. Night." She says.

"Yeah, goodnight." I turn and walk away and she closes the door. I quickly walk to my car and get in. I put the key in the ignition and start the car, but I don't go anywhere. I just sit there and start to cry. I wanted to be with her, or at least be friends with her. But there was no way I could be her friend and keep all of my feelings bottled up. As I sat there and cried, I got a call from Kamar. I answer:

"Hey, babe," I answer, trying not to sound as if I had been crying.

"Hey, hun. I'm on my way home, are you there yet?"

"No, not yet. I'm on my way."

"Okay well I was gonna stop and get us some take-out, what are you in the mood for?"

"Anything but pizza."

"Okay, sounds like a Chinese kind of night. Well I'll see you at home then. Love you."

"I love you too, bye." I hung up the phone. I continued to cry. After about 5 minutes, I finally put the car in drive and head home. I pull up to my house and go inside. I see Kamar sitting in the living room with the bags of take-out in front of him on the coffee table. I walk over to him.

"Hey, babe." He greets me. I don't say anything; I just sit facing him on his lap. I grab his face, look into his eyes, and deeply kiss him. We roll over so that we're lying on the couch, him on top of me. We never touched the take-out.

It was the next morning. I woke up in Kamar's arms. We were in our bedroom. It was my day off but I still woke up early. He was still asleep so I slipped out of his arms and went into the bathroom. I washed my face and brushed my teeth, slipped on a pair of running shorts, sports bra and running shoes, and went for a run to clear my mind. I took the trail I usually take when I run: a scenic trail through a woodsy area of my neighborhood. As I'm running I think of last night. I think about the friendship that was destroyed between Teri and I. I thought about my feelings for her that were still there. I thought about how hurt I was and about how hurt she must have been. I think about how hurt Kamar would be if he knew. That hurts me even more. It was for the best.

I got home and took a shower. I was having lunch with my sister again. If there was anyone I could talk to about all of this, it was her. She would understand. I hope. I get ready and get into my car and drive to the restaurant my sister and I always eat at when we meet for our lunches. I walk in and see her already at a table.

"Hey, Lis," I kiss her on the cheek.

"Hey, girl. So what was so urgent that you just had to have this lunch today? And it better be good! Not like the time you said it was urgent but all it was about was some puppy you saw in the park tha-"

"I KISSED TERI POLO!" I yelled at her.

"What?!" She screamed.

"I kissed her! I kissed her and she kissed me! I kissed a girl and I liked it!"

"Like Katy Perry?" She yelled back.

"This is NOT a time for jokes! I have been freaked out for a week about this!" Lisa reaches across the table and gives me a hard punch in the arm. "Ow! What was that for?" I yell, rubbing my arm.

"You've been keeping this from me for A WEEK?" She looks around, then lowers her voice, "Tell me everything, NOW." So I tell her. I tell her about my feelings for Teri. I tell her about the first day of filming. I tell her about the kiss. I tell her about going to Teri's house. I tell her everything. "Holy shit, Sher! What the fuck?"

"I know, I know. It sounds crazy, I know that, but I could really use your help with this. Please." I beg, hoping she'd understand.

"Yeah, no I understand. I mean it's so weird. It's so out of the blue…do you still love Kamar?" she asks.

"Yeah of course I still love him! I do…" I drift off.

"But?"

"But…maybe I don't love him as much as I did before. I mean…you remember last week. I didn't even want to sleep with him! We had sex last night but I think I was just really emotional, you know? I don't know," I really didn't know.

"Do you love her?" I had never thought about it. I knew I had feelings for her, but _love? _

"I…I think I might." I sat there and let it sink in. "Shit…shit! Shit, shit, shit! Oh shit, Lisa! What the hell am I doing? What am I gonna do? What do I do?" I started freaking out.

"Sherri calm down. I think what you need to do is just think it through!" She suggested.

"But that's all I've been doing is thinking! I've been wracking my brain for the past week trying to figure out what I felt, why I felt that way, and what to do about it! I don't want to think anymore, I just want things to be normal! I just need to world to stop spinning for just one goddamn minute!" I snapped. I took a few deep breaths, and continued. "I just want everything to be okay again." I put my face into my hands and leaned on the table.

"Everything will be okay." Lisa gets up and kneels next to me, rubbing my back. "Want to know why everything's going to be okay? Because you have me. You have me, and I'm all you need really!" We laughed. She always made me feel better. "You know what? I change my mind. If you stop thinking about it, you'll know the right thing to do. You'll know how to feel." She got up and kissed me on the top of my head and sat back down in her seat. We finished lunch and went our separate ways. Lisa was right. I stopped thinking about everything. I stopped thinking about Kamar and right from wrong. I wanted to listen to my heart. So I did.

Later that night I drove to the studio. It was about 10 o'clock. I saw Teri's car. I parked next to it and waited for her to come out. I didn't know what I was going to do, I just knew I needed to see her and set things straight. After about 10 minutes I see the door open and Teri comes out. I get out of my car as she walks by. She jumps.

"Oh my god! You scared the crap out of me. What are you doing here?" She walks over to where I'm standing.

"I'm sorry." I say.

"It's okay, I just thought you were a murderer or something,"

"No not about that. I'm sorry for ending this; for ending our friendship; for overreacting to everything. I'm sorry."

"Oh, it's okay. I mean you said what you wanted to say, and you were right. It wasn't fair to-"

"Stop! Don't say it." I cut her off. "I stopped thinking about everything. And I decided to just go with what my heart was telling me." I smile and she smiles too.

"So…I mean…what are you saying? You want to be friends again, or…"

"No, I don't want to be friends. I don't want to be _just _friends. I…" I cut myself off and just went with my heart. I grabbed her face and pulled it to mine and kissed her. She immediately dropped her purse to the ground and grabbed my waist with one hand and my head with her other and kissed right back. We kissed for what seemed like an eternity. Our bodies were one again. I could feel her smile whenever we came up for air and then went back in. I opened the back door to my car and lured her in, and she closed the door behind her. We kissed and kissed for another eternity. Our shirts were off, our hair was messy, and it was hot in the car. I wanted to sleep with her but not in the backseat of my car. So we just kissed. And it was passionate. After more than an hour had gone by, we realized the time, put our shirts back on, and got out of the backseat of my car.

"Well, I can say I didn't see that coming." Teri says with her arms wrapped around my waist, mine around her neck.

"I followed my heart." I replied. She kissed me on the nose, sending a shiver down my spine.

"I'm glad you did. I missed you." She said.

"We were only apart for a day!" I laughed.

"I know, I know," she says while moving a piece of hair out of my face. "But I still missed you. Thinking that you hated me was kind of torture."

"I could never hate you. I…" I stopped.

"You what?" She pulled away slightly so that we were looking into each other's eyes.

"Nothing, never mind!" I lied.

"I think I might love you too, Sherri." I looked at her and smiled. "And I don't know how I managed to fall in love with you so quickly. I feel like I'm in some terrible romance movie where this kind of thing doesn't happen…but it is happening, and I do. I do love you."

"And I think I love you too." We smile, and we kiss again for a few moments.

"I should get home. My kids like to wait up for me and it is way passed there bed time."

"Okay," I say. "I'll see you tomorrow then. I love you." I say. It felt so good and so right to say that to her. To tell her what I couldn't tell myself. I did love her. I don't know how or when it happened but it did.

"Goodnight, my love." She gives me one last kiss before getting in her car and riding off. I stand at my car once again looking up at the night sky. It was a perfect night.

I get home and see Kamar asleep on the couch with the game on the TV. I turn the TV off and cover him with a blanket. I just stand over him for a minute and look at him. I had fallen out of love with him a long time ago. And I couldn't admit it until now. I did feel bad because I betrayed him. I betrayed our vows. I betrayed our marriage. But at that moment, I was filled with joy. I was so happy. I went into my bedroom, changed into pajamas, and fell fast asleep. That night was the first night in a very long time, that I got a good night's sleep. And for the first time in a long time, I remembered what it felt like to be in love.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

"Congratulations guys! We are officially finished shooting the pilot episode!" Peter says to us as we closed our last day of filming the pilot episode. We all cheer and clap for ourselves and Bradley comes out with two bottles of champagne and one bottle of sparkling apple juice. Teri and I were standing next to each other; our arms wrapped around each other's waists. "Now, this went really well, but of course we have to wait and see if ABC Family wants to actually pick the show up!" As Peter talks to us we all stand around and listen. Teri pinches my side and makes me giggle. I try to stay quiet and hide my smile. She does it again so I do it back to her, and she isn't very good at staying quiet. She lets out a squeal and we both giggle but no one really notices. "So you won't be coming in next week. We will be editing and making the episode all shiny and perfect, and then we wait until next Thursday to here if they want to do the show! So stick around for some champagne, or sparkling apple juice for our under-agers, and let's hope for the best!"

"Do you want a glass of champagne, my love?" Teri asks me.

"Yeah that'd be great!" Teri winks and goes over to get us a couple of glasses. It had been two days since Teri and I openly told each other we had feelings for each other, and it had been the best two days of my life. Filming went a lot smoother, and our chemistry really came out on screen. In between shots Teri would sneak in little kisses here and there, and everyone just thought it was the chemistry. We flirted on set, and then after shooting we went outside to our normal spot in between our cars and did our usual kissing marathon. I felt like a teenager again. Teri came back over with our drinks.

"So, I was thinking this weekend you could come over and we would have the entire house to ourselves. Griffin and Bayley are going to their grandmother's house with Jamie for the weekend; she lives on a really nice vineyard. So I'll have the house to myself. What do you think?" She passes me my drink. I take a sip before answering.

"I don't know. Kamar has been wanting to spend some time with me since I've hardly seen him this week." I said, wishing I could spend the weekend with her.

"Awh, come on," she gets closer to me and whispers into my ear, "I thought we could sit by the fire, have some wine; I can cook you dinner; we can do some…_other _stuff," she backs away and gives me a "you know you want to" kind of look.

"It sounds very tempting…" as I pretend to ponder if I want to or not, she gives me a puppy dog look and makes kissy faces at me. Just when I was going to answer, Bradley comes over to us.

"Hello, ladies!" he says.

"Hello!" Teri and I say simultaneously.

"I am proud of you two. So, so proud. Your chemistry on set is just mind blowing! It's almost as if you two are _actually_ together. Is there something you aren't telling me?" We both just stood there and stared at him. _Did he know?_

"Oh boy, I wish! I'd have to get through her husband first, right?" Teri broke the silence. We all laughed.

"Well keep it up! I'm positive they'll pick the show up JUST for you two being so damn cute!" He winks at us and walks away. Teri turns to me.

"You can't freeze up every time someone make a joke about us."

"I know, I know. It was just so sudden and I started thinking about us and I thought maybe we had made it obvious or something, and-"

"Shhh," she cuts me off and puts her finger up to my mouth, "I won't let anything happen to you, my love. If you really want to do this- You _do _want to do this, right?" She cut off herself off and asked me that. I thought about it. Did I want to do "this"? Did I want to risk my marriage for her? I loved her. I didn't want to let go of her. I nodded yes to answer her question. "Okay," she continued, "Then you have to trust me, and trust yourself. Now, cheating isn't my forte, but…" her words drifted off.

"But what?" I asked.

"But I love you. I love you and I don't want to let go of you. So we're in this together, okay? And no one's going to figure anything out. We're supposed to be great friends, right? I mean come on; we play lesbians on the show for god sakes. Let's embrace that, yeah?"

"You're right, you're right. I will stop worrying. We'll be okay." She shot me a warm smile.

"Come on, let's get out of here." She took my hand; we put our glasses down and went outside to the parking lot. As soon as the studio door shut behind us she turned around, pinned me up against the wall, and kissed me. I laughed and kissed her back. Everything was going so fast. It felt like I was in a dream; a dream I couldn't wake up from. I didn't want to wake up. But I couldn't help shake the feeling that this dream could turn into a nightmare at any given moment. I was cheating after all. That's something I never thought I would do. While I did feel bad about it, it was as if I was blinded by love. And as cliché as that sounded, it was true. I had fallen deeply and madly in love with Teri and she had fallen for me. As we stood there and kissed, I thought about all of this. I decided I didn't want to care. So I stopped thinking about it and went with my heart. I pulled away from Teri and just looked at her. "What's wrong, love?" she asked.

"Nothing. I just really really love you." I ran my fingers through her hair and she smiled. She leaned in and gave me a single kiss on the lips.

"I love you too." We kissed for a few more minutes and then parted ways.

I got home and found Kamar with some of his friends in the living room. "Hi, sweetheart," I greeted him.

"Hey, babe!" He ran over and kissed me on the cheek and hurried back into the living room with his friends. They were all watching the big game, drinking beers, and eating chips. My living room was a mess. "AAAAHHHWWW!" was all you heard every time someone made a bad pass or the referee made a bad call. I went into my room and changed into one of Kamar's over-sized jerseys, slipped on some leggings, and a pair of fuzzy socks. I put my hair up into a bun and went out and joined the guys in the living room. I go in and sit down next to Kamar, and he pulls my legs over his lap and puts his arm around me. The game goes to commercial.

"So how was your day, babe?" I ask him.

"It was good. Alex, the new guy I was telling you about, he spilled coffee all over me. Burned like a bitch!" I laughed at him. "It's not funny!" He kissed me.

"Hey you two get a room!" John, one of Kamar's buddies, joked.

"Ah you're just jealous because she isn't on YOUR lap!" Kamar joked back. All of us laughed.

"Well if you're willing to send her over my way!" Another friend shouted out.

"Nope, she's all mine!" Kamar replied and looked at me. I looked at him and my smile slowly faded away. He loved me so much.

We sat and watched the game until late. His friends left and we were cleaning up the mess of spilled beer and potato chip crumbs. As I was fluffing the couch cushions Kamar comes up to me and grabs me from behind; he wraps me in his arms. "How about tomorrow night we go out for dinner and dancing, hm? And then we can come home and finish the night."

"Sounds tempting," I teased him.

"Well, I'm gonna take that as a yes." He spun me around kissed me and we landed on my freshly fluffed couch cushions. We were having sex, but to me it was guilt sex. I felt like it was something I could do to make up for what I was doing with Teri. Of course it doesn't _actually_ make up for it, but it's all I could think of at the time.

The next morning I woke up early. Kamar had gone to a golf tournament, and he would be back in time for our dinner date later. I had the whole day and house to myself. I called Teri.

"Hello, my love." Teri answered.

"Hey, you! How are you this morning?" Her morning voice sounded adorable.

"I'm fine. Having some coffee. How are you?"

"Good. I'm here in this big house all by myself until later tonight when Kamar comes back. Want to come keep me company?"

"I would love to! I'll get ready and be over!"

"Okay I'll see you in a bit! Love you," She said she loved me too and then we hung up. It wasn't what she hoped for but we could at least spend the day together. I quickly get in the shower and get dressed. I clean the house a little and start to cook breakfast. Cinnamon rolls, maple bacon, and eggs.

_DING-DONG_

That was Teri. I ran to the front door and opened it up to a beautiful Teri Polo standing there smiling at me.

"Hey, baby!" She screams and runs in and tackles me with a hug. She kicks the door shut with her foot and keeps her arms wrapped around my neck.

"Hey, babe! I missed you!" We give a good morning kiss.

"Missed me? We saw each other just last night!" I start towards the kitchen and she follows. "But it was a long time, I missed you too, baby! Ooo what smells good?" She sniffed around as she entered the kitchen. "I smell…bacon! And…eggs! And…Ooo cinnamon rolls! How'd you know those are my favorite?"

"Maybe because when they had them on set you ate ALL of them. I got a hunch." She laughed, and walked around, touring the kitchen.

"I love your kitchen, babe. It's really nice in here!"

"Thank you, I designed it," I answered.

"Really? Wanna come do mine?" She laughed. She walked around and stopped at the fridge. She looked at all of the pictures stuck on by magnets. She picked one up of me with Kamar and my stepson.

"Who's this in the picture with you and Kamar?"

"That's my stepson!"

"You have a stepson? I didn't know that." She put the picture back on the fridge.

"Yeah, but he loves with his momma. He comes over a lot, though! Love him," I said while cooking the eggs.

"He's a cutie!" She walks over and stands behind me and puts her head on my shoulder and her arms around my waist. "This smells good, babe. Can't wait to eat it!" She kisses my neck and sits down on one of the stools at the table.

"Well good because it is finished!" I grab a couple of plates from the cupboard and some silverware from the drawer and put the food on the plates. Teri goes right for the cinnamon rolls and starts inhaling them. "Wow you were hungry; want another one?"

"Is that even a question?" She mumbled while chewing. I got up and went over to the stove where the rest of the cinnamon rolls were. When I reached for one my hand hit the still extremely hot pan.

"Ouch! Shit!" I yelled, trying to fight back tears. I bit my lip to hold in the curses I wanted to shout at the top of my lungs. Teri ran over to me.

"What happened, sweetie?"

"I burned my hand on the pan!" I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. With the pain from the burn and the fact that I probably bruised my hand from hitting it on the pan so hard, I couldn't keep it in any longer.

"Oh sweetie come here," Teri grabbed me by my wrist and led me over to the sink and ran my hand under cool water. "Here let me see." She took my hand out from under the running water and examined it. "Okay it isn't too bad. My kids burn themselves all the time. Do you have any Neosporin or ointment like that?" I just nodded and pointed to the bathroom as I put the burned part of my hand in my mouth. She ran and got the Neosporin and a Band-Aid. She put the Neosporin on my burn and the bandage on top. Then she filled a paper towel with ice and held it on the burn. "Feel better?" She asks as she wipes the tears off of my face.

"Yeah, it does actually. You're good!" She laughed.

"Well, with two kids who get into a bunch of mess, you learn a trick or two about treating little wounds!" We sat down on the floor, backs leaning up against the cabinets as she still held the ice on my hand.

"You're so maternal!" I say.

"Yes, and _very_ protective." She answered. She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.

"You really are mamma tiger, huh?" I joke. We both laugh and sit there for another minute. Just then her phone rings. She gets up off of the floor and answers her phone.

"Hello?" she says. "Hey, Jamie, what's up?" While she's on the phone, I get up and go into the bathroom. I messed up my makeup from the crying. "Okay. Yeah that's fine. Yup. I'll be home in about a half an hour and you can bring them then. Okay. Yeah. Bye." She hangs up. I come back into the kitchen and find Teri looking bummed.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"That was Jamie. His mom isn't feeling too well so they aren't going up to her vineyard. He's bringing them back home to me. I'm sorry, love."

"Oh it's okay. Mamma's gotta do what a mamma's gotta do!" I give her a peck on the lips. "It's fine, you can go!"

"I've got an idea. Why don't you come with me? It'll be fun. I figure I should do something fun with my kids since they can't go up to the vineyard, so we'll probably go out for some ice cream and maybe go to the zoo. It would be fun for you to come! How about it?"

"Are you sure? Your kids won't mind some stranger there?"

"No you're not a stranger! You're just fine. You're my friend! We aren't gonna do anything in front of them; I wouldn't allow it. You'll meet them anyway, I was gonna bring them on set eventually. Come on, when's the last time you went to the zoo?" She wasn't going to back down so I gave in. It could be fun, right?  
"Okay sure! Let's do it!" I answer.

"Alrighty! Well let's clean up here and get over to my house, yeah?" So we did. We cleaned up the kitchen and I went and put some comfy flats on and we headed out. I followed her to her house in my car. I was nervous. Meeting her kids was something I hadn't even thought about. But I loved kids so I was excited, too.

We got to Teri's house and waited for her kids to get back. There was a knock at the door. Teri went to open the door and there was Jamie standing with Bayley and Griffin. "Hi, babies!" Teri shouted as she squatted down and opened her arms and the two little ones ran into her. She stood up to talk to Jamie. "What's wrong with your mom? Nothing too serious, right?"

"No, no nothing serious. She just has the flu and didn't want to make the kids sick or not be able to entertain us. So we'll try again next weekend." He answered.

"Okay that's good." She squats back down to the level of her kids. "Hey, why don't you two go up to your rooms and put your bags down and get ready for the zoo! How's that sound?"

"Yeah!" Griffin and Bayley shout simultaneously. Teri smiles and kisses them both on the forehead.

"Okay! Then get moving!" She stands up and she gives them both a swat on the bottom as they run passed her. "She turns and faces Jamie again. "Okay. Well, I will see you on Tuesday, yes?"

"Yes! I will see you then. Sorry about this, I didn't plan on mom getting sick. And I'd keep them at my place, but I had cancelled plans because of the trip, and when I found out the trip wasn't happening I decided to go through with them. Large benefit for the company." Jamie looks past Teri and into the kitchen and sees me. We made eye contact, and I quickly looked away. "Who's that?" He points into the kitchen.

"Oh, that is Sherri. She's my counter-part on the show I just started filming. She's coming to the zoo with us." Teri answers. "Well I have to go get ready. I will see you on Tuesday!"

"Yup, Tuesday it is. See ya." Teri closes the door and walks into the kitchen. She opens the refrigerator and pulls out a bowl of grapes and then goes to a drawer and pulls out a few zip-lock baggies. She starts filling them with the grapes. "The kids will be down in a few minutes. Are you ready to meet them?" she asks me.

"As ready as I'll ever be!" I started to twirl my curls in between my fingers; something I always do when I get nervous. Bayley and Griffin come running downstairs and run into the kitchen.

"Mommy, Griffin says if you get to close to the cage, the tiger will bite you! Is that true?" Bayley asks Teri. Teri laughs and picks her up.

"No, sweetheart, that is not true. The tigers are in a huge field to roam around. Unless you go in there, they won't hurt you. Besides, we're going to see nice tigers, not mean ones! Griffin, stop scaring your sister. I've told you a thousand times before not to scare her." She kisses Bayley on the cheek and puts her down. Griffin sticks his tongue out at his sister. Teri looks at her kids and then me. She smiles and begins talking, "Bayley, Griffin, meet Sherri! She's mommy's friend from work! Say hello!"

Bayley ran over to me first, "Hi! I'm Bayley! It's spelled like B-A-Y-L-E-Y! And I'm 5 years old!" I laughed at how cute she was.

"Well hello, Miss Bayley! I'm Sherri! Spelled like S-H-E-R-R-I!" I said, while smiling.

"Hi, I'm Griffin! I really like snakes! Do you like snakes?"

"Uh, they're a little scary, but maybe you can teach me about them and I can like them just as much as you do!"

"I can go get my book about them and show it to you!" He runs out of the kitchen and upstairs. Teri smiles, looking pleased at how well they took to me.

"Bayley, before we go, do we need to use the bathroom?" Teri asks her.

"No! I went at daddy's house!" she yells.

"Well go again just in case, please." Bayley gives in and goes into the bathroom. Teri looks at me. "They like you! I can tell they like you. You're good with kids, aren't you?" She leans over the island and sneaks a quick kiss before her kids came back. "Thought I'd steal a kiss before we left. Trust me, it's the only one we'll get all day." She smirks and puts the bags of grapes she had packed earlier into a small cooler. She grabs some juice boxes and small packs of cookies and puts them in.

"You are such a good mom. Now I see how you can be so motherly on set to those kids! You get experience from home. I love it." I say to her. Griffin comes back downstairs with a spider-man backpack and a book called"All About Snakes".

"Look, Sherri! This is just a garner snake. They're the kind you find in your back yard. You don't have to be afraid of these ones!" he flips through a few pages, "But THIS one you should be afraid of! This is a boa constrictor! If they wrap around you, you're dead! But you don't have to worry, there aren't any around here!"

"Okay snake boy. Put your book in your bag and use the bathroom before we go." Teri interrupts.

"But I don't have to go!" He protests.

"Just go for me, please."

"But I don't have to!" He keeps arguing.

"Well okay, then we all can go to the zoo and see the snakes and you can stay home. What's it gonna be?" Griffin realizes his mother was serious and drops his bag and runs to the bathroom. "Hurry up you two, we are leaving in 5 minutes!" Teri yells out. She looks at me. "Ready for a day of fun?"

"I sure am, mamma tiger!" I answer.

The kids got ready and we got in Teri's car and headed to the zoo. On the ride there, as we listened to a children's music CD, I thought to myself. I loved how motherly Teri was towards her kids. It was so sweet. It made me think how much I wouldn't mind having a family with her. But that wasn't an option so having a fictional family on The Fosters with her would have to do.

We got to the zoo and parked. We all got out of the car and headed inside. I couldn't remember the last time I had been to the zoo. I definitely didn't miss the smell, but I was ready to have a little fun.

"Okay everybody, no getting lost. Everyone hold hands." Teri ordered. She grabbed Griffin's hand and motioned that I hold Bayley's. So I grabbed her hand we headed towards the animals. First thing we saw were the elephants. The kids ran ahead of us to see up close. "Griffin, watch your sister!" Teri yelled ahead. We stayed behind a little, enough so we could still keep an eye on the kids. "So, I want to know more about you! I know I love you, but I want to know more about you." She said as we walked slowly towards the elephants. "Like, where'd you grow up? What's your favorite color? Are you a dog person or a cat person? I wanna know more about you!"

"Well…I grew up in a small town in Ohio; I don't have a favorite color but I shy more towards earth tones; and I am a cat _and_ dog person. I love both! My mom is white; my dad is black. I'm half German…I also love long walks on the beach, piña coladas, and getting caught in the rain." Teri laughed and wrapped her arm around my shoulders. She discretely kissed my shoulder and then took her arm back.

"I grew up in Dover, Delaware. I also love earth tones. I tend to wear nude and cream colors a lot. I love dogs and I cannot stand cats!"

"You don't like cats? How could you not love cats, they're so sweet and cute!"

"No they aren't! They're evil little fur balls with an attitude problem!" We both laughed as the kids ran up to us.

"Mommy we saw the elephant go poop!" Bayley shouted.

"Yeah it was awesome!" Griffin added.

"Oh yeah? Was it cool?" Teri asked. She leaned down and picked up Bayley, "Come here my little bacon cheeseburger!" She covers her in kisses and puts her on her back. "Wanna go see the polar bears?" she asks Bayley.

"Yeah!" she exclaims.

"Sherri! Can I ride on your back?" Griffin looked up at me hoping for a yes. He was too adorable to say no to.

"Sure, hop on kiddo!" I propped him up on my back and followed Teri and Bayley to the polar bears. I felt so happy in that moment. It felt like we were a family.

After the polar bears we saw the lions, the reptiles, the tigers, the leopards, the zebras, the giraffes, and the monkeys. Seeing the kids have so much fun was surprisingly warming. And seeing Teri light up whenever her kids had smiles on their faces was even better. We made it around to the children's jungle gym and playground and decided to let them play. "Okay, Griffin I want you to keep next to your sister at all times! Do not let her leave your side. There's a lot of kids in there, so make sure you're holding hands, okay? You have on your spider-man watch, so in 15 minutes, you two come back out to mommy, okay?" Griffin nodded, gave Teri his backpack, and ran off with his sister to the playground. Teri and I sat down on the bench where the other parents were waiting for their kids.

"I love your kids, Teri. They are pieces of work but I love them. When we went into the reptile house, Griffin led me right to the snakes and started teaching me all about them. That kid is gonna be a scientist when he grows up." I kept my eye on the kids while they played tag with some other kids.

"Yeah, he's a smart boy. And by little double bacon cheeseburger is a cutie too, isn't she?" She smiled.

"Yeah, why do you call her that? I meant to ask earlier!"

"I don't know. Jam and I called her that while she was in my belly!"

"Well that's adorable. You and your kids are adorable."

"You're adorable right there with us!" She said. I gave her a look. "No I'm serious. You're so good with them, Sher. How come you don't have any little cheeseburgers of your own yet?"

"Well, I don't know. Kamar already has a son and we never really talked about having one together. I guess I never thought about it." She rubbed my leg while I talked. I really hadn't ever talked about it with him. Maybe I did want kids of my own. But thinking about it, I wouldn't want them with Kamar…not anymore, anyway.

"Well I think you'd be a great mama, as well as a great step mama." She looked at me and smiled, and kissed my hand.

"Maybe you're right! Maybe I would be. Or will be, someday. I'm just not in the right place for it right now." I looked at her. I could tell she knew what I meant. She knew that I wasn't in love with my husband anymore. I couldn't go through having a child with him. Not now; maybe not ever. As I thought to myself I looked into the playhouse and skimmed the giant room for the kids. I didn't see them. I stood up and walked a little closer to see if maybe they were behind a corner or something that I couldn't see. I still didn't see them. Teri immediately became alarmed and got up behind me.

"Where are Bayley and Griffin? Oh my god, where are they?" She ran into the play place and started looking frantically. I followed her and suddenly began to panic. _Where could they be? Are they hurt? Did someone take them? _I began looking for them too. "BAYLEY! GRIFFIN!" Teri shouted as she searched for them. There was no answer. I ran back outside and started looking for them.

"Excuse me, have you seen two small kids? A girl and a boy? Excuse me! Have you seen two small children? One girl, one boy?" People kept shaking their heads no and pushing passed me. I kept looking around but all I saw were what seemed to be about a million people everywhere. I couldn't breathe. What if something had happened to them? I stopped and tried to think about where they would be. Teri was still in the playhouse looking for them. I went over to the ice cream cart that was nearby. As soon as I approached it, there were Griffin and Bayley, sitting on a bench eating small samples of ice cream. "GRIFFIN! BAYLEY!" I shouted to them and ran over. They smiled and waved. "Oh my god! There you two are! Don't you ever, ever, EVER do that to me again, you hear me?" I squeezed them both and reached for my phone to tell Teri I had found them and they were safe. I stood up to call but then saw Teri walk up behind me.

"There you two are! Oh my babies!" She squeezed them both. "Don't you EVER do that again! What have I told you about going somewhere without my permission? Griffin you know better than that!"

"But the other kids wanted to get ice cream so we went with them!" he argued.

"I don't care what the other kids are doing! You listen to me! I told you to stay in there for 15 minutes until it was time to come out! Don't you understand you scared me to death? I thought something happened to you, sweetheart!" Teri gave them both another big hug before standing back up. "Okay, that's enough of the zoo for one day, huh?"

"Awh man! But mom we didn't even see the birds yet!" Griffin complained. Teri shot him a "don't mess with me right now" look and he gave up.

"Okay let's go everyone. Bayley, grab mommy's hand. Griffin, grab my other hand. Let's go."

After a long day we left the zoo and went back to Teri's. "Go upstairs and put your bags away. Dinner will be ready in an hour. Go wash up and play a video game or something." Bayley and Griffin ran upstairs and went into their rooms. Teri and I went into the living room and plopped onto the couch.

"Oh my god I don't think I've ever been so tired in my life." I laid my head down on Teri's lap and put my feet up. She ran her fingers through my hair.

"Yeah, kids will do that to you." We were quiet for a minute and then she spoke again. "I didn't think I could be more amazed by you and more in love with you, but you surprised me again."

"What do you mean?" I looked up at her as she played with my hair.

"I came up behind you and the kids as soon as you found them. The fact that you were so worried about them as if they were your own was just…I just loved it. You love my kids and my kids love you, therefore I love you even more. I just love you." I looked at her and then sat up. We just stared at each other. She leaned in and kissed me. We laid down on the couch together and kissed for a moment. We just spooned for the next few minutes; each of us thinking about things. Then my phone started to ring. It was Kamar. I immediately sat up.

"Oh shit." I said. I answered the call. "Hey, babe!"

"Hey, babe, I just got home. Where are you?" He asked.

"Oh I'm…" I looked over at Teri. "I'm at Teri's house. We were just hanging out for a little bit."

"Okay, well are we still on for dinner tonight? I made reservations for a place that has dinner and a really nice dance floor."

"Yeah, yes. Yes I will be there in a half an hour. I lost track of time."

"Okay. Reservations are at 7 so we have an hour and half. I'm gonna jump in the shower and get ready. I'll see you when you get home! Love you."

"Sounds perfect. I love you too. Okay. Bye." I hung up and looked over at Teri. She looked bummed that I had to go. "I'm sorry, babe." She half smiled.

"It's okay sweetheart. You have to go. I have to cook some dinner anyway. I'll call you late, yeah?" I nodded and she grabbed my head and kissed me on the forehead. She walked me over to the door and we shared a goodnight kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too. Goodnight." I smiled, gave her one last peck on the lips, got in my car and went home.

I got home and went up to my bedroom. Kamar was in his towel rummaging through the closet looking for something to wear. "Hey babe," I said to him. I walked over and gave him a kiss. "How was the golf tournament?"

"Great! Gerry got to the 8th hole and the ball went right into the sand. He threw his club so far I swear it hit the people at the next hole. And I won of course." He laughed.

"You always win!" I started undressing and stepped into the shower. Kamar talked to me through the shower.

"So how was your day with Teri?"

"It was good!" I said a little loud so he could hear me. "We went to the zoo with her two kids. They are SO adorable!" I washed my body and my hair and then got out. I did my make up. I put on a one-strap cream-colored dress with a pair of nude pumps. I put my hair into the nicest bun my curls would allow, and then put on a pearl necklace and earrings. I grabbed a clutch purse and we headed out to the restaurant.

The restaurant was extremely nice. It was elegant and the dance floor was in deed huge. There were chandeliers and a live jazz band. We sat down and put in our drink orders. As I bopped along to the music, I notice Kamar staring at me. "What?" I ask playfully.

"Nothing, I just…" He grabs my hands. "I really love you, that's all."

"I love you too, sweetheart." I started taking a sip of my drink.

"You know, I was thinking. The entire ride here you talked about Teri's kids and how good you were with them. It got me thinking: Why don't we have one of our own?" I choked on my drink and started coughing. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," I say between coughs. "I'm fine, it just went down the wrong pipe, that's all." I finally stopped coughing. He grabbed my hands again.

"I'm serious. I know I already have a son, and I know you love him like he's your own, but what if we make one that's ours?"

"Wow…I had never thought of it…" _Was this really happening? _I thought to myself. I bet I looked as pale as a ghost.

"Neither had I, but the way you were glowing while going on about those kids today, I figured maybe we would like one!"

"Well…I mean, right now isn't really the best time. I just started this new show. I can't get pregnant in the first season, I mean, that's a little silly, don't you think?" I took a nervous sip of my drink. He grabbed my hands again.

"That's true. But let's say it doesn't get picked up? You don't find out until the end of the week, right? Let's say it doesn't get picked up. Would you want to then?" I didn't know what to say. Telling him that I didn't want to have his children would break his heart. But I couldn't say yes. What if the show didn't get picked up? Then I'm stuck with having a child with someone I don't want to. I realized I was taking too long to answer and I panicked.

"Sure! Sure, why not? It's about time, right?" I lied. He lit up and began to stand. I stood up with him, still holding his hands.

"This is great! We're going to have a baby!" He kissed me and gave me a hug.

"Well, _maybe! _If the show gets picked up, I can't do it. Not right now."

"That's completely understandable. I'm just so excited! You know what, let's dance!" He dragged me onto the dance floor and we started waltzing. _What the HELL did I just do? _I had promised a baby if my show didn't get picked up. What was wrong with me? As we danced, I thought about life with a baby with Kamar and got nauseous. He spun me around and I started to feel my lunch coming up. I ran to the ladies' room and got sick. As I sat there on the bathroom floor, hands clenching the toilet, I thought to myself: _What did I get myself into? How do I get out of it? _I opened the stall door, washed my hands, and washed out my mouth. I went back out into the dining area. I told Kamar I didn't feel well and we went home. I wasn't sure what I was going to do. But I was praying to god that the show got picked up. Otherwise things were not going to end well. I dug my grave; now I had to lie in it.


End file.
